Happy birthday, Jesse Matthew!
A mother's thoughts after a decade of grief.
On this day ten years ago, the unimaginable happened, at least for me. This is the day our son, Jesse Matthew, was born sleeping at just seventeen weeks and four days gestation. In the aftermath of that devastating day, I remember the sound of a baby- any baby sound- making me cry. Anytime I needed to go to a store, I avoided even walking by the baby department. With great intention. For months. Sometimes it was unavoidable, and the tears would fall without my consent.
Jesse was our first baby loss, but he wouldn’t be our last. All my previous babies I had carried to term, so I thought losing him was just one of those fluke things. I wanted an explanation, so I just assumed I had eaten some bad salad or something- maybe caught a case of lysteria- that we could try again successfully, but I wasn’t ready to try again just then. I remember Justin being ready long before I was. I got pregnant again right before Christmas. We shared the news with my parents by giving them a surprise gift while opening Christmas presents that year. I remember how excited they were. The LORD was bringing beauty from the ashes...or so we thought. Our rainbow baby. What a treasure! She was due in August. But like her older brother,
